We often lose ourselves in our way to find others. To become home for someone else, to provide things for others. Until in one point, we realize that we don’t have a home to go back, that we don’t have one to rely on, that we don’t have one to call at night.
Then, you promise yourself to be home. Not for others, but to yourself. You promise to give love you give to others, to provide all the needs for yourself. And it’s okay. We sometimes need to walk far away to see clearly what really exist. And once we realize, we never want to lose it, not again.
Disappointments, cries, sadness, tears. Lead you to a realization that it’s in one package; happiness and sadness. You can’t be happy without ever feel sad, vice versa.
Take a deep breath, and exhale.
Everything will be okay. Indeed.
It is what I see through my mind.
And endless swirling path, with no exit.
Where the more you go inside the path, the more you get lost.
The more you feel the pain.
The more you feel small and untouched.
The pain that leads you to an endless suffer.
The pain is on my mind.
I feel like being trapped. Where I can't control the speed, no brake, no pause.
I am drowning.
Night before I go to sleep.
Night when I am sleeping.
Or dawn when I am awake.
I want to go out of this path.
I want to forgive.
I want to change the color into bright ones.
But I can't.
I am trapped.
Karena pada dasarnya, manusia diciptakan untuk saling mengasihi bukan untuk menyakiti. Dan bila pada prosesnya kita jatuh lalu berdarah, yaa gak papa.
Semua orang tempat kembali, maka pada waktu yang tepat kamu akan punya rumah untuk dirimu sendiri, yang tidak perlu dibagi dengan orang lain tentunya. Dimana kamu tidak akan pernah kehilangan arah untuk kembali ke rumah itu. Matahari pasti terbenam saat telah waktunya terbenam bukan?
Most of the time, we try to ignore that one thing named 'ugly truth'.
I know he doesn't belong to me.
I know it doeesn't mean for me.
I know this won't happen.
Those facts appear in my head, but again and again, something big forces me to ignore those thoughts. Once, it may help. Twice, it can keep me motivated despite all other ugly possibilites. But for the next times, I don't think that is a good way to always ignore the ugly truths.
And here I am, trying to face ugly truths. The fact that some of things won't happen. It is so hard. It's like you're going to climb a cliff but you know you're gonna fall on your very first step. And you're gonna slipped away into another deep place you never know how to save yourself. I am very afraid of getting hurt.
