The Hidden Diary

Feelings are temporary

And the pain, too

This is just too much. For thing I’ve never imagined before. My life is stumble, fall, break into pieces. Too small until I find it difficult to put it back in place. But slow down, I keep saying to myself this is not a race. I will surely take my time to put it back, like before, or even stronger. 

Yes, I am turning 24 years old today. Feeling happy? of course I do. Life is too wonderful to be thanked, I am speechless for how it makes me who I am today. Being an adult is both fun and difficult, I start facing life problems, yet experiencing adult things hehehe

Kalo bisa dibilang, tahun ini akan menjadi tahun yang berat, yes of course, because things happened lately. Tapi, aku sadar, I got my back ups here, family, friends, and doctors. Semua yang bilang kalo aku harus kuat, dan aku harus bertahan, terimakasih ya! you make me a lot stronger than the day before. 

Thankyou for all the hopes and wishes, I am beyond grateful for who I am now

Happy birthday to myself

I know you've been so strong this whole lifetime, and for that, I thank you
I am sure we'll be stronger day by day

24 me,

Lina

We meet people for reasons. Well, all of them must be good for us. But good doesn't mean happy ending, right?  

Most of the time, we are busy to fulfil people's expectations until we forget that we ourselves need to be happy, and it has to be first numbered (actually). We are too busy listen to other's wishes and hopes until we forget that we have our own dreams. And it's just the same, we are too busy to listen other's stories and craps until we forget that our stories are left behind. Far enough to make people don't realize it.

The point is the one who always be forgotten is ourself. 

Basically, we enjoy interact with people, sharing things and stories. We are comfortable being surrounded with people. Well, it's never be boring not to be alone. But have you experienced moment where you don't actually know you're grounded? Not your body, but your feelings. You don't know your feelings are being caged, and they don't even let you to sneak out from the gap. It's never been about you! You enjoy listen to their stories, but sometimes you want to be written down inside the story. Yes, you want to be the part of the stories, even just tiny four lines paragraph inside 1000 pages of book. But it never happened. They even make you feel unworthy. 

Then how? 

Are you gonna keep being backseat driver? or you're gonna ask the director to get contract with you? so you can be at least a cameo. 

I say, be willing to walk away.

You don't have to stay seated, listen to the craps, and never be heard. And, of course, you don't have right to play victims. And that is why you can't just ask them to leave. All you can do is push yourself to go behind, and smile. 

it's okay to leave people for your happiness, And it's okay to feel sad. You are worthy. And that can be the reason why you leave them. You just don't want to be a silent reader to their story. You want to feel worthy. Well, it's not about them, It's about you. because most of us are not willing to walk away because we are just too afraid to be alone, and to be broken hearted. And that is also the reason why you push to fit yourself in a square meters of box. Too small that you can't even breath freely.

Baby, be willing to walk away.

Good things doesn't have to be started beautifully, right? Sometimes, it needs tears and effort to throw away the old book, get  new one and start writing again!






Good things will follow you.


Lina

Well, citizens are being grounded.

Some of my friends use VPN - free, but I choosenot to. I let my night be calm and gentle without whatsapp or any reminder about work ;)

Whoever the president is, be kind, be hardworking, and always be patient:) goodluck Mr Jokowi for the next five years adventure! Xoxo

The thing that keeps swirling round and round inside my head; I am not worth it. And nobody wants me.

Why I live this life? Why Did I choose to be me? Why? I have to be somebody else to be worth fighting. So there will be someone wanting me. Badly. I feel lonely. Doing everything alone, waking up, breakfast to dinner. I am alone. I feel lonely, but hey who cares? Nobody. 

Hey. Welcome back to the place where you had too much stories. The place you’ll always tell your son even your grandsons. 

Kotanya kecil.

Yang kalo kamu mau muterin naik motor paling gak sampe 2 jam udah selesai. 

Yang kalo kamu berhenti di lampu merah cukup sekali lalu udah jalan lagi. 

But I used to grow up here. 

Hidup yang sederhana aja, sama keluarga, kalo sarapan cukup sama nasi pecel atau soto. Kalo malem suka makan nasi goreng atau bakmi atautahu thek. Hehehe 

CFD satu satu nya cuma di jalan baru, yang bahkan gak bisa lari karena terlalu banyak orang yang jualan di kanan kiri. Tapi aku suka. I love everything here. 

Lain kali aku cerita lagi ya soal Ponorogo :)

Kembali ke solo hehehe

#np shane fillan - make you feel my love

Going back home. Again. Will never be bored.

People are running, rushing their time. 

Future Lina, you will remember this place. As theplace to start or even end anything. You’ll be grateful that you know the value of family.

Love,

L

I am on my way back to Solo. Re-doing my dailyroutine. Yakin sih, seberapa pun aku sering ninggalin ponorogo buat balik solo, I will never use to it. Never. Leaving home is always tough. Always.

 

Bismillah finally did my second election. 👌🏻

What’s the matter with leadership? Managing or it’s just about being on the top? 

Been questioning that since the first day of my rotational cycle, some people just showed me what is leadership all about. Not having any advantages just to ease your own way. To be continued...