Life is funny, isn't it? :)

Sebuah titik balık dalam hidupku, where I think everything really doesn't work on me. Literally, everything. Sedih? Marah? sudah kulewati. Dan kalau ditanya, what I feel rn,  maybe the word that suits the best is "pain". It's not the sadness or the nightmares that scare me, but the pain. It makes me afraid of doing things and making mistakes, like the previous ones. I am afraid of choosing wrong man, I am afraid of taking every possibilities, and I am afraid of being in pain, anymore. 

Back then, I was a careless girl. Living in a daydream. but here comes the truth and fact. I am here. stuck in place I don't even want to stop at. I want to run, but I get stumble. Enough. Aku meyakinkan kembali bahwa hidup bukan sebuah adu cepat. Titik balik dimana aku melihat ke belakang dan bertanya kembali, apa yang salah? bagian mana? Titik balik dimana aku mulai mendefinisikan kembali arti sebuah kata 'bahagia'. 

Bahagia itu sebuah keadaan tidak dalam rasa sakit. 

Sorry, I am not that good at overcome pain. Rasa sakit itu kadang masih muncul, mencekik. I can't do anything but deep inhale. Here, I still have no reason to survive, tapi kata orang, mau sesakit apapun kamu, mau sehancur apapun kamu, yang panting bertahan dulu. Bukan begitu?

Tentang yang ku alami, now I am living with mixed anxiety and depression disorder. Minum 2 kapsul yang diracik dari 5 obat. but the good news is I've got better, well it's not the thing that get back in place, it's just me who get stronger and use to every uncomfortable moment. I start gaining weight from going to gym everyday, alhamdulillah it shows me that I start being able to overcome distress. Well, looking forward for the next step :)